“Solo” Delivers the Most Meh “Star Wars” Film Yet

Solo Picture

I went to see Solo this past weekend with my husband and in-laws, and it was…fine.

This isn’t the emotion you expect a Star Wars film to inspire. Most Star Wars geeks are either love-it-or-hate-it on every single Star Wars film ever. (For the record, I loved The Force Awakens. I found The Last Jedi harder to digest, but I think it was the better movie overall. I was extremely disappointed in Rogue One, mostly because it could have been great if it had focused more on character development. The aught-era prequels don’t count in my universe, and frankly, I think Return of the Jedi is underrated.)

So Solo was…fine. Again. I’m not sure there are any other words to describe it. Amazing how the most beloved character in the franchise could be the star of a film so unmemorable that I literally had trouble describing what it was about 10 minutes after we left the theater.

My husband–who is both a Star Wars fan and a cinephile–fell asleep in the theater.

So what was the problem? Honestly, I think there were a few things. Alden Ehrenreich, who plays Han, is all right, but he can’t even come close to matching the raw charisma of Harrison Ford. Ford is so associated with this role that it’s hard to watch the movie without comparing the two. There’s too damn much going on in this movie, and it’s too long. The way it’s structured, it could have easily been divided into two films (although maybe I shouldn’t give Disney ideas).

Also, quite frankly, the film has a Prequel Problem (TM). Why should we care about the relationship between Han and Qi’Ra (Emilia Clarke)–the central catalyst for the whole film–when we already know she doesn’t show up in any other movie in the series? We already know that the younger, more idealistic Han is going to turn into older, jaded Han. We already know he’s going to meet Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tantooine and fall in love with Leia. And frankly (SPOILER ALERT FOR THE FORCE AWAKENS, just in case you’re really that far behind) we already know that Han’s going to die at the hands of his own son. Why should we care about Han’s past with characters who don’t matter? Qi’Ra doesn’t set Han on his collision course with destiny; Luke and Leia do.

nullBut I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the shining star of this movie: Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian. He manages to both honor Billy Dee Williams’ performance and add something totally new to the character. He pivots seamlessly from the cocky Lando we know and love to a more emotional character than we’ve ever seen before. Forget Solo…if The Powers That Be don’t use their Star Wars saturation to produce a Lando Calrissian movie starring Donald Glover, that would be a crime against a galaxy far, far away.

“I Feel Pretty” isn’t the problem. Society is.


I’ve been thinking a lot about the controversy surrounding Amy Schumer’s new movie I Feel Pretty. Basically, the gist of it seem to come down to the idea that—based on the previews, at least—the movie is fat-shaming Schumer, implying that it’s hilarious for an average-sized woman to feel gorgeous. On the other side, there’s also been the criticism that it’s ridiculous that Schumer—who is already white, blonde, and conventionally pretty—to be portrayed as an “ugly duckling.”

I had a very different reaction when I saw the preview. I related to it.

For better or worse, women in this society internalize the idea that their most valuable asset is their appearance. I certainly have. It doesn’t matter that I had parents who continually praised my intelligence and accomplishments, or that I now have a husband who adores my creativity and wit. I am a woman. I’m supposed to be pretty. I see it every time I turn on the television or read a magazine. I hear it every time a male friend or coworker tells me he wouldn’t even bother going on a date with a woman if she’s not attractive enough. I re-learned it every time I flipped through online dating profiles and read things like “I really want a woman who takes care of her appearance” (translation: no ugly girls), or “I want a woman who cares about her health and working out” (translation: no fat girls).

I also know that I’m not society’s standard of beautiful. I’m solidly built and I carry a little too much weight. My legs are too short. My face is too round. I look like I have fourteen chins if you take my picture at the wrong angle. One of my eyelids droops lower than the other. The bags under my eyes make me look like I’m auditioning for the next season of The Walking Dead. My fingers somehow manage to be too short and too big at the same time. And my breasts are ridiculously disproportionate to the rest of my body, which basically means every shirt I own fits me like a tent, adding the appearance of yet more weight to my figure that I just don’t need.

In short, I look like an average person, not like an actress or a supermodel or even a girl who would serve wings at your local Hooters. And every day, I feel like this is an inadequacy on my part.

But I’m not inadequate. I’m smart and funny. I have a husband I adore who adores me right back. I know everything you would ever want to know about cats and then some. I have an amazing memory, and I kick ass at trivia nights. I’m awesome at karaoke, not because I’m a great singer but because I’ve got moxy. I write books, for crying out loud! How many people can honestly say they’re living their childhood dream? I can. But on top of hating ourselves for our appearances, we woman are expected to downplay or brush off all the amazing things that we’ve done, all the cool things that we’ve accomplished, lest we be thought of as arrogant or boastful. We can’t win.

This society is designed to make women feel bad about ourselves. We internalize the idea that our looks are the only thing that matters, and our looks are never good enough. We’re taught to be modest and self-effacing, to beat ourselves down until all we hear are the voices in our heads telling us how not good enough we are.

I haven’t seen the movie yet, and Schumer has—for better or worse—earned a healthy degree of skepticism from the viewing public. But to me, the film didn’t look like the story of a woman who only believes she’s beautiful because of a head injury. It looks like the story of a woman whose self-esteem has been beaten down by a toxic society that tells women they’re never good enough, and who finally learns to own her awesome.

And ultimately, regardless of what I Feel Pretty says, that’s a good lesson for all of us. Not all of us are going to be cookie-cutter supermodels—and fuck society for making us feel like we need to be! Own your awesome. I’m going to try harder to own mine.

Fantasy Demon Within Movie Casting: William Moseley as John

One of the questions I get asked a lot as a writer is, “Who would you like to play [insert character’s name] in a movie?

This is always hard for me, because I have very specific ideas about what these characters look like, and very rarely does an actor look/feel exactly right enough for me.

But one actor I’ve seen gets pretty close.

Presenting William Moseley…a.k.a. my fantasy casting pick for John.


John Pic

Picture by Faye Thomas, from William Moseley’s IMDB page.


You may remember him as Peter Pevensie in the Chronicles of Narnia films, but as you can see he’s grown up quite a bit since then. (And the years have been quite kind!)

He’s not a complete match for John: John has light brown eyes in the books, while Moseley’s are blue. And if you decide to do a Google image search–which I wholeheartedly encourage–you’ll have to sift through a lot of pubescent photos of him to get to the more recent ones where he has more of a John vibe–John looks like he’s in his mid-30s, so the younger Moseley just had too much of a baby face.

But this is the first time I’ve seen a picture of an actor that I’ve felt that spark, like, “Yes, that’s who I’ve been seeing in my mind!”

Have his people call my people. We’ll do lunch. (More important question, do you think he can do a passable American accent?)

What the f*ck timeline is this, and other questions “Logan” leaves unanswered



I watched the new Wolverine movie, Logan, a few weeks ago, and well…I have mixed feelings.

As a movie, I thought it was fantastic—although at least two of the people in my party were thrown off because it wasn’t what they were expecting. (In fairness, they hadn’t seen any of the previews, which made no secret of the bleaker tone.) It’s a much darker, sadder movie than the previous X-Men films. In a lot of ways, it doesn’t even feel like a superhero movie. The director has admitted to taking much of his inspiration from westerns, and it shows.

But as someone who’s been a fan of the X-Men film franchise since its 2000 debut, I am…confused. And more than a little frustrated. Maybe someone who read the comics would be in better shape, but I found myself wondering what the hell I’d just watched, because it didn’t seem to fit with any of the other X-Men films in the franchise. Not to mention that there was a lot of stuff that just wasn’t explained. Like, at all.

So without further ado, here are the 10 questions that Logan should have answered…but didn’t.





1) What the f*ck timeline are we in this time?

In Days of Future Past, Logan traveled back in time 50 years to 1973. We can then extrapolate that the “present” sequences take place in 2023. Logan takes place in 2029. So how the hell did we get from that cheery, optimistic ending of Days, to the bleak, broken-down, mutant-less existence of Logan—in just SIX YEARS?!?

It would make sense if Logan took place in the original timeline (i.e. the timeline of X1, X2, and X3). Many of our main characters were killed in X3 (a movie that I know we’d all prefer to forget), and still more of them were killed in the battles during Days, before Logan altered the past. Logan also references events that we know happened in the original timeline, such as Logan’s days as a cage fighter and the battle on Liberty Island.

But Director James Manigold has stated that Logan takes place in the Days timeline—so WTF?

(My personal theory has always been that while Days may have altered or changed some things, we’re supposed to assume that many of the events of X1 and X2 still occurred in some form or another. My primary basis for this: Rogue’s hair at the end of Days still has a white streak in it, her “scar” from Liberty Island, so to speak. If that battle hadn’t happened, why is Rogue still channeling Lily Munster?)

2) What happened to all the other mutants?

Are we really supposed to believe that Wolverine, Xavier, and Caliban are the only three mutants left on Earth? I don’t. So what happened?

We know some things:

*At some point several years before the story started, Xavier lost control of his abilities and killed several people in Westchester (presumably at the school). I believe the radio announcer said that seven people were killed, with many more injured. But still—seven isn’t “all the mutants on Earth.” But presumably, it may have taken out some of our beloved old guard X-Men.

*Transigen—a.k.a. the bad guys—manipulated the food and water supply so that no new mutants had been born in 25 years.

*The skeevy bad guy with the southern drawl also implies that at one point, Caliban used his abilities for Transigen to help them track down (and presumably kill) mutants.

But c’mon. ALL THE MUTANTS ON EARTH?!? I’ll say it again: it’s only been six years since Days, when everyone was happy and healthy and not dead.

LoganLaura3) If no mutant babies had been born in 25 years, how come no one mentioned that at the end of Days of Future Past? Shouldn’t they be a tiny bit alarmed about this?

The youngest mutant on Earth would have been 19 at the end of Days. Someone should have noticed the oncoming extinction of mutants by this time.

And for that matter, who the hell were all those students at the Xavier School at the end of the movie? If the youngest mutant on Earth is 19, who are they even holding classes for?

4) Is it really the adamantium making Logan sick and impeding his healing abilities?

We’re kind of left to make up our own minds about this. But really, it could be something else? Maybe a malevolent agent that Transigen released? Maybe a delayed side effect of time travel?

5) If it is the adamantium, does that mean that Laura will have the same problems in the future?

And possibly at a much younger age, since she was implanted so young?

6) Will Laura be able to grow with all that adamantium fused to her skeleton?

Because it kind of makes sense that she wouldn’t. I kept expected her to start shouting at Logan, “Do you know why I know how to drive? Because I’m really 37 years old!”

LoganProfessor7) When and why did Xavier lose control of his powers?

Again, we’re left to our own devices to make assumptions. “Neurodegenerative disease”—dementia, maybe?

8) Who or what is in Canada?

Is that where all the other mutants went? Did some of our heroes manage to escape? The pessimist in me says that it would be a fitting ending for this bleak entry into the series if nothing was in Canada, that it was just a bedtime story to give hope to the last surviving mutants. But obviously, Eden existed, Laura’s friend and fellow genetically engineered child mutant was talking to someone on the radio.

9) Why didn’t the other child mutants help out in the climactic fight sooner?

No wonder Transigen abandoned the “let’s genetically engineer children as weapons” program—these kids suck as weapons. I mean, I get it, they have consciences and don’t want to be used as weapons and all that. But when people are literally trying to kill you, you can make an exception! Instead, they seemed perfectly content to let Laura—who will probably be scarred for life—and Logan do the fighting for them, not jumping in with their own awesome mutant powers until Logan is on the verge of death. Seriously, guys, if you had done that 10 minutes earlier, maybe Wolverine wouldn’t have been impaled. #stupidkids

10) Seriously, why do I even bother to follow the continuity?

Because no one else in this franchise ever seems to bother. *Sigh*

How Should Star Wars Handle Carrie Fisher’s Death?


It’s only been three weeks since Carrie Fisher’s sudden and untimely death, but already the question has emerged: how will the Star Wars franchise handle Fisher’s death? We already know that Fisher completed filming before her death, and that she’ll have a larger role in Episode 8. But that still leaves filmmakers with a dilemma for Episode 9, the final act of the new trilogy.

A few days ago, rumors emerged that Disney was negotiating with Fisher’s estate for the rights to use her digital image, which was, not unexpectedly, met with the predictable freak-out on the internet. The next day, Disney denied the rumors.

But that still leaves Disney with a problem. If Leia was, as reported, supposed to have a significant role in Episode 9, how should the franchise handle her death?

This isn’t the first time an actor has died or left a franchise, so it’s not like there isn’t precedent. Based on how this has been handled in the past, Disney has four options.

The Dumbledore Option

Beloved British actor Richard Harris–the guy played King Arthur, FFS–played Dumbledore in the first two Harry Potter movies. But Harris died shortly before the premiere of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Michael Gambon replaced him as Dumbledore for the remainder of the series.

Pros: To me, this is the best option. There’s no getting around the fact that Fisher is dead. But Princess Leia is an integral part of the Star Wars universe, and ending her story prematurely would be a disservice to the fans who have followed this story for 40 years. This way, Disney can say, “Yes, Carrie Fisher is dead, and we’re not going to hide that with camera tricks or digital imaging. We’re going to bring in a different actress as Princess Leia, so that we can finish telling the best story we can and honor the character that Fisher created.” Not to mention the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of roles out there for late middle-aged women. I’m sure there are many talented actresses who could bring something unique to the role.

Cons: Carrie Fisher is Princess Leia. It’s hard to imagine anyone else playing her, no matter how talented. Whoever replaces Fisher is going to have a hard time living up to that, and will likely be torn apart by critics and fans alike.

The Grand Moff Tarkin Option

Disney may have denied that they are negotiating with Fisher’s estate for the rights to her digital image, but you can’t tell me this hasn’t crossed their minds. Just last month, Disney successfully used CGI, along with a stand-in actor, to bring Peter Cushing back to play Grand Moff Tarkin in Rogue One. Cushing died in 1994.

Pros: This would allow Fisher to “perform” the role that she originated 40 years ago. And personally–as I wrote in my review of Rogue One last month–I thought the use of CGI to replicate Cushing was amazing! I’ve spoken to some casual fans of the series, who had no idea that Cushing was dead, and that his performance was a digital rendering.

Cons: Cushing had been dead for 22 years by the time Rogue One released, and he was never as integral to the Star Wars franchise as Fisher. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last month, you know that Fisher has died, and the wound is much more recent. I’ve also spoken to fans who thought that the digital rendering of Cushing was creepy and unrealistic. Based on the reaction to Cushing’s appearance, I feel like viewers will likely spend more of their time scrutinizing the digital rendering of Fisher than paying attention to the story. Then there’s also all the ethical questions raised by this technology to consider, specifically pertaining to how much control actors have over their voice and images, even after their deaths.

The George McFly Option

Crispin Glover played Marty’s awkward father George McFly in Back to the Future. But when he famously refused to return for the sequels (over disputes over money or the script, depending on who you ask), filmmakers reduced the role and used a combination of another actor and splicing in footage of Glover from previous films to conceal the absence.

Pros: With a reduced role in Episode IX, Fisher’s absence will be noted but less noticeable. Filmmakers can also use a combination of recasting, CGI effects, and archive footage to have Leia in the film to a limited degree instead of writing her out altogether. This is probably the option that will get the least backlash from fans.

Cons: It may be the safest option, but it’s also the least satisfying. Leia has been an integral part of the Star Wars universe from the beginning, so to turn her into a bit character does a disservice to both the story and the fans. This option is also not without ethical implications; Glover successfully sued over the use of his image and facial prosthetics in the Back to the Future franchise. (That said, I think Disney will be smart enough to negotiate the necessary rights with Fisher’s estate ahead of time. Which, to be honest, is going to be a necessary evil no matter how Disney resolves this.)

The Sarah Connor Option

When Linda Hamilton elected not to reprise her role as Sarah Connor in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, filmmakers killed her character off-screen. (We’re told she died of cancer years before the film is set.)

Pros: Since Disney does have the option of negotiating with Fisher’s estate, as well as access to all of Fisher’s archive footage and the Lucasfilm digital technology, we’ve got to assume they’d be able to come up with something better for our beloved princess than offing her unceremoniously off-screen. Story-wise, Kylo Ren has already killed one of his parents; it would make sense that he might kill another. It would also be a great way for filmmakers to say, “We can’t replace Carrie Fisher. We’re not even going to try.”

Cons: Killing Leia might be a salve to Fisher fans, but I don’t know that it would serve the story. Han Solo’s death was probably the most shocking moment in the Star Wars franchise–and one could argue it’s one of the most shocking moments of film history. Wouldn’t killing Leia just dilute that?

TL;DR: All of these options SUCK, because all we really want is for Carrie Fisher to come back and finish playing the role she originated in 1977. But I hope that Disney will think long and hard about the best way to serve the story, the character, and fans of Carrie Fisher.

Rogue One: A Good Movie That Should Have Been Great


Rogue One is a good movie. But it could have been a great one.

So let’s start with the good stuff. This is the darkest of the movies in the Star Wars universe. Not necessarily the bleakest—I think that award goes to The Empire Strikes Back—but thematically and tonally, it is the darkest. The irony here is that the movie spends a lot of time talking about the necessity of hope. It is, ultimately, hopeful—but it also shows you that the cost of hope can be insurmountably large.

It feels much more like a war movie than the other films in the Star Wars universe. Yes, tragic things happen in the other films, but they’re so largely focused on the hero’s journey that they feel, by and large, like adventure movies with coming-of-age themes. In Rogue One, we’re focused more on the scope and the costs of the decades-long rebellion against the Empire—one that has lost almost all hope.

Anyone who has watched A New Hope knows how our rebels’ mission—stealing the plans for the original Death Star—is going to turn out. But still, director Gareth Edwards has managed to give us a movie that is exciting and suspenseful. He’s aided in no small part by a great cast, led by Felicity Jones as Jyn Erso.

I’m absolutely in love with the fact that they brought the long-dead Peter Cushing back as Grand Moff Tarkin. When I heard they were going to digitally insert him into the movie, I figured he’d be in the background for maybe a few seconds, but no—he’s actually got a substantial role in the story! The process of bringing Cushing back involved CGI, a stand-in, and a voice actor. Others disagree with me, but personally, I thought it looked fantastic. I would not have known that there was anything different about Grand Moff Tarkin if I didn’t realize that Cushing had been dead since 1994. (Also, I really, really hope his estate got compensated for this!)

(On a side note, I’m very excited to see where this technology goes as it improves. Could we get a screwball comedy starring Katharine Hepburn and George Clooney? This is a thing that absolutely must happen!)

As for the not-so-good…

The movies in the Star Wars universe are at their best when their focus is on characters. That’s where Rogue One fails. Story-wise, Rogue One had the potential to be better than The Force Awakens. Rogue One charts out entirely new territory in the Star Wars universe, whereas much of The Force Awakens feels—purposefully, I would argue—like a re-tread of A New Hope. But The Force Awakens introduced new characters, showed you who they were and what their motivation was, and made you care about them. By the end of the movie, I was completely invested in the fates of Rey and Finn.

But the characters in Rogue One—even Jyn herself—feel terribly underwritten. There are six—six!—leading rebels in Rogue One. Each of the characters seemed to have potential, and if Rogue One had been a television miniseries the large leading cast could have been an asset. But in 2 ½ hours of screen time, each of them kind of blends into the background. If they had halved the leading cast, and dug deeper into each of them, the movie would have worked much, much better.

And so we’re left with a movie that could have been—should have been—incredibly powerful and emotional. Instead, when I left the theater, I was like, “Okay, that happened.” Don’t get me wrong: I enjoyed the movie. But it’s disappointing when I think about how much better it could have been.

My Thoughts on “The Force Awakens”


I’ve been wanting to write some thoughts about Star Wars: The Force Awakens since I saw it back on opening night. However, I was so busy with the move and then my vacation that I never got a chance. J and I just saw the movie again in the theater, and I have a little bit of time to spare before my big New Year’s Eve plans. So I wanted to jot a few things down while I was thinking about them.



SPOILERS!!! (Really, at this point, do I have to spell it out for you?)



–The movie totally holds up upon second viewing. It’s fast-paced, entertaining, emotionally riveting, and the new characters make their mark, so much so that I find myself just as invested in the fates of Rey and Finn as the fates of Luke and Leia.

–I’ve heard a lot of criticism that The Force Awakens is too much like A New Hope, and there’s certainly a solid argument to be made about that. I don’t agree. To me, the storylines and characters were different enough that I didn’t find myself drawing parallels to A New Hope—most of the time. Plus, I figure a lot of the parallels can and will be attributed to Force-y stuff, everything comes full circle and all that. But the story of A New Hope is about fighting the Empire and blowing up the Death Star. The story of The Force Awakens is about finding Luke.

–That said, there is one place where I felt the movie suffers creatively because of over-reliance on the previous films: in the First Order’s Starkiller Base. Even the Resistance fighters act like the Starkiller Base is same shit, different day when they’re plotting their destruction of it. I can almost hear my editor’s voice in the background telling them to go back to the drawing board, to be more inventive, and to resist the impulse of automatically going with your first idea. Clearly, Bob Peterson did not work in the writers’ room for The Force Awakens.

–But—and this is a really big but here—the film also delivers an emotional punch more powerful than anything the original trilogy delivered: the death of Han Solo. I’ve heard Han’s death compared to the death of Obi-Wan in A New Hope, but there are some huge differences there. We had half a movie to get to know Obi-Wan before Vader cut him down; we’ve had almost 40 years with Han. He’s the most beloved character in a beloved franchise. His death at the hands of his and Leia’s son is devastating, as it should be. And yes, I saw it coming. I suspected it would come early in the movie, when Kylo Ren revealed Han was his father. I knew it would come when Han and Kylo Ren confronted each other on a catwalk over a gigantic, bottomless pit. I think that only made it worse, not better. Everyone saw it coming except for Han, the guy who’s always smarter and faster than everyone else in the room. He’s too blinded by the love for his son. And it kills him. And I spent the last quarter of the movie crying. Both times.

–Following that, the reaction shots of both Leia and Chewie after Han’s death are amazing. The contrast of Leia’s restrained, understated devastation with Chewie going ape-shit is great, and perfect for both of their characters. Both Carrie Fisher and Peter Mayhew just killed it in those scenes.

–After I saw the movie for the first time, I figured Rey was Luke’s daughter with an unknown woman, and after seeing it a second time I am even more confident with that theory. Rey looks very much like a young Natalie Portman did in The Phantom Menace, first of all. Her affinity for mechanics and her piloting gifts parallel both Anakin and Luke. Not to mention the fact that no one else we’ve seen in the series so far has had such a natural gift for the Force except the Skywalkers. Plus, Anakin and Luke’s light saber chooses Rey. And R2-D2 reactivates himself right after Rey arrives on the planet. And that little droid always does seem to know more about what’s going on than anyone else.

–My theory is that, after Kylo Ren’s betrayal, a young Rey was hidden on Jakku for her protection. I’m guessing there’s about a 10-year age difference between her and Kylo Ren, which would have made him a teenager at the time. Teenagers were always assholes, even a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. I’d estimate Kylo Ren to be in his early 30s now, and Rey to be in her early 20s.

–Finn. Ah, Finn. I loved Finn. I love that his story is unlike any other we’ve seen in the series so far. This is one place where the team got creative, and it worked: a Storm Trooper with a conscience. It’s great. I can’t wait to see his hero’s journey, and I can’t wait to see how he develops after he throws off the rest of his First Order conditioning and learns some other practical skills besides killing things.

–I also heard a rumor that Finn’s father would turn out to be none other than Lando Calrissian. If the powers that be are listening: PLEASE don’t do this. I would love to see Billy Dee Williams back, but one of the strengths of Finn’s story is that he is unconnected to anyone else. Plus, do you see how problematic it is to have only two prominent, living black characters in this universe, and have them both be related?

–Also on the genetics front: will they ever explain how the hell Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher’s genetic combined to create Adam Driver???

Overall, I loved the movie. Love, love, love. I can’t wait for the next one to come out in 2017.

Burning Questions About Star Wars: A List


So here’s the thing: I love the original Star Wars trilogy. Love, love, love. My fiancé and I are going to see The Force Awakens tonight, and in anticipation of that, we’ve been re-watching the movies. (Not the prequels. I wouldn’t do that to myself again.)

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a few gaps in Star Wars that didn’t matter so much to me when I was 13. Lingering questions. Unclear motivations. Illogical actions. And after months of digging into my own book to find these types of things and fix them, they bug me more than they used to.

Maybe some of these would have been answered if I’d gone back and watched the prequels again–though I did read the Wookiepedia entries on them–but to me, by and large, the prequels created more questions than they answered. It was like Lucas made the prequels without re-watching his original trilogy.

Maybe some of these are answerable. I’d love to hear thoughts. But here are my burning Star Wars questions.

  1. Why didn’t Obi-Wan or Yoda remember R2-D2 or C-3PO when they encounter the droids again in A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back? Maybe there’s an easy answer to this one, like the fact that Obi-Wan and Yoda spend most of the original trilogy flat-out lying to Luke, but…
  2. Why doesn’t R2-D2 remember Obi-Wan, Yoda, or Darth Vader? C-3PO’s memory was erased at the end of Revenge of the Sith, so he gets a pass. But R2? Not so much. You think he would have mentioned to Luke while they were flying into the Death Star together, “Hey, you know that guy in the goofy mask behind you? The one that killed Obi-Wan? He’s your dad, BTW.” Guess R2’s supposed “friendship” doesn’t mean that much.
  3. If ObiWan and Yoda are trying to hide Luke and Leia from Vader, why do they hide Luke on Anakin’s home planet, with Anakin’s stepbrother, sharing Anakin’s last name? Honestly, this just seems like poor planning.
  4. If Luke and Leia are the only hope for defeating the Emperor and Darth Vader, why don’t Obi-Wan and Yoda begin training them sooner? So Obi-Wan just waits for the battle against the Empire to fall into his lap, and then takes a naïve, untrained farm boy to face off against Darth Vader—who, unbeknownst to Luke, is his father? That’s just poor planning. I mean, I know Uncle Owen would have been against it, but Obi-Wan couldn’t have managed to Jedi Mind Trick him?


    “Hey kids, did we ever tell you about that time your mom almost banged your uncle? That was hilarious!

  5. If Luke and Leia were always intended to be siblings, what was with all the flirting and kissing and making out in the first two movies? Because seriously, those would be some awkward Thanksgiving dinners…
  6. How the hell has Boba Fett developed such a cult following? Because from my perspective, all he did was capture Han Solo and get eaten by a sarlaac.
  7. Why are the Jedis so anti-sex? Because seriously, Anakin might not have turned to the Dark Side if they just let him get laid every once in a while.
  8. How the hell does Leia remember her mother? Leia implies in Return of the Jedi that she remembers her mother vaguely. But we all know that Padme died like, two seconds after Luke and Leia were born.
  9. Are we supposed to sympathize with Obi-Wan and Yoda? Because from where I’m sitting, they continually lie to and manipulate Luke to kill Vader. (See also: Dumbledore.) Earlier, Anakin turned to the Dark Side because Obi-Wan and Yoda were so damn controlling (and, again, because they wouldn’t let him get laid.)
  10. When the first Death Star was such a miserable failure, why did the Empire build another Death Star? Someone should have chimed in and said, “Maybe this whole Death Star initiative is a bad investment,” amiright?


    Or maybe it’s just the Star Wars creators who were sexist…

  11. Are the Jedis sexist? Because seriously, did everyone forget about Leia? By the time A New Hope begins, she’s already a monarch and an Imperial Senator, and she’s actively fighting the rebellion. Luke is a speeder pilot and would-be moisture farmer on a middle-of-nowheresville planet. Seems like she would be in a better position to be the Jedi savior. Yet Obi-Wan has been covertly monitoring Luke his whole life. Hmmm.
  12. How come Obi-Wan and Yoda both disappeared when they did, but Qui-Gon and Darth Vader did not? I mean, it could have been that whole “Dark Side” thing, but I thought Qui-Gon was one of the good guys?
  13. If the overarching story of the Star Wars prequels was Anakin’s descent into the Dark Side, why does The Phantom Menace focus on Anakin’s path toward the Dark Side, why does The Phantom Menace focus on a trade dispute that takes place 10 years before any of the events that lead Anakin to the Emperor’s side occur? It’s like that entire movie is one really long prologue.
  14. Why exactly does everyone hate the Empire so much? I mean, yeah, they’re kind of control freaks, but if I’m just a moisture farmer on Tantooine, it doesn’t affect me much. (Of course, I guess if blowing up Alderaan is an example of their governmental policies, then…yeah, they suck.)
  15. Why are Luke and Leia the only hope for defeating Vader and the Emperor? An entire rebellion has formed to defeat them, but it all comes down to one barely-trained Jedi–and his completely untrained sister as a backup plan? For that matter, where the hell have Obi-Wan and Yoda been for the past two decades? Like, instead of waiting around with their thumbs up their asses for Luke and Leia to grow up, why didn’t they take their immense Jedi powers and use them to aid the rebellion sooner? Just think of this, kiddos: if it hadn’t been for Obi-Wan and Yoda’s incompetence, none of this would have ever happened.




Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…



I remember thinking about this as a kid. What would the world be like in 2015? It seemed like such an impossibly long time away. But here we go. It is the future.

I’ve heard people complaining today that we still don’t have so many of the things BTTF2 predicted. I, on the other hand, think that the movie got an amazing number of things right, or nearly so. This video makes a pretty convincing case.

We’ve got tablets and wall-mounted big screen TVs. We’ve got (FREE!) video conferencing. We had Google Glass, but nobody wanted it. But Oculus Rift, the VR goggles, come out in a few months. (My fiancé and I tried them at Awesome Con, and they were amazing. You can also get VR goggles that your phone can plug right into. It’s an app! My fiancé already wants a pa`ir.)

And yes, BTTF2 totally called those 3D movies and our shark obsession.

We’ve also got 3D printing that can replace amputated limbs. We’re working on using stem cells to grow new organs. We’ve got the internet at our fingertips, in which we can access the Swhole of human history instantly. Things that used to take us hours or days to research can now be done in minutes.

And who needs flying cars? We’re working on cars that can drive themselves.

So there’s no Pepsi Perfect, and that whole Hoverboard thing is kind of a disappointment. I think the reason we’re not as amazed today as we thought we’d be is because the future…is the present. In other words, if we had hopped into time machines 30 years ago like Marty did and traveled to 2015, it would look pretty friggin’ amazing. But of course we didn’t wake up this morning and suddenly get dazzled by wall-mounted TVs and Skype calls and tablets, because we’ve been living with them for years. They aren’t our future anymore. They are our present.

Think about that. The future is now the present.

This is heavy, Doc.

(But I still want that instant food rehydrator. If I could cook meals in five seconds, I’d be a very happy woman.)

New “Star Wars” Poster–and a Rant

Disney has just unveiled the official poster for The Force Awakens.

Cue Beth geeking out.

Cue Beth geeking out.

Here’s what I’m seeing here:

OMG, EVERYONE IS BACK!!! There’s Han and Leia and Chewie and R2-D2 and C-3PO and…wait, where’s Luke?

Daisy Ridley as Rey is front and center, with John Boyega as Finn right beside her. She looks incredibly badass. Love that! She also very strongly resembles the Skywalker women, particularly Natalie Portman as Padme. Coincidence? Probably not. (Just hope she’s a stronger character than Padme. Natalie Portman deserved so much better.)

The way Kylo Ren looms over all of them…very interesting.

Is that another Death Star?

But here’s my rant: I discovered the new poster on this Yahoo article. Scroll through the comments section (which one should probably never do if one wants to keep one’s sanity), and you’ll discover comment after comment of racist, sexist garbage, basically all equating to the same thing: “How DARE they make a Star Wars movie with a female lead and a black lead!!! Damn you, PC Hollywood liberals, diversifying everything I hold dear!!!”

It burns me that in 2015 we still see and hear this garbage. Listen up: casting women and minorities in larger, more prominent roles isn’t an attempt to “PC” the movie; it’s an attempt to get with reality. And the reality is, guess what, women and minorities exist! And many of us have been dying to see representations of ourselves on screen.

I am a woman who loves science fiction and fantasy. I have also loved Star Wars for a very long time. If Rey gets to take a more prominent role in the new trilogy, even the lead, that would be AMAZING! Honestly, in the pre-Katniss era, who were the female leads of sci-fi/fantasy? Ellen Ripley, of course. Sarah Connor, maybe, although she always played second fiddle to her own son. Leia got to do some cool stuff, but she was never the lead of the movie. To make matters worse, the big thing most people remember is Leia in her slave-girl gold bikini, when she was held captive by Jabba.

Is this what comes to mind when you think of Princess Leia? Yeah, I thought so.

Is this what comes to mind when you think of Princess Leia? Yeah, I thought so.

And if John Boyega as Finn is the lead–which was my speculation upon seeing the second teaser trailer a few months ago–that’s also amazing. I recently had a conversation on Facebook about this article discussing why Hermoine Granger was cast as white in the Harry Potter films. The answer, I think, should be obvious: our media and culture assumes everyone is white unless proven otherwise. And in some cases, we take it a bit farther and assume everyone should be white unless proven otherwise.

The leading roles in the Star Wars universe have all, up until this point, been playing by white actors. So…a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…they had exactly the same racial dynamics as we do in the United States in the present (or 1977/1999)? Really? Not all heroes have to look like blond-haired, blue-eyed Luke Skywalker. Good for J.J. Abrams for figuring that out.

And you know what? I’ll cop to doing the same thing. When I read a book sometimes, I have to check myself, because I’ll assume Character X is white, and then get caught off-guard when a description tells me something else. But I realize that this is my own failing, and it’s something I try to work on.

Representation is important. It helps to eliminate the “otherness” of other cultures, races, religions, sexualities, etc. It also helps you broaden your horizons and realize that not everyone is exactly like you.

The bottom line is this: if you write off a movie, or a book, or a TV show, because the main characters don’t look like you…that’s on you.

Look, the new Star Wars movie may suck–God knows, the prequels did. But it won’t be because of the race or gender of the lead characters.