Burning Questions About Star Wars: A List

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So here’s the thing: I love the original Star Wars trilogy. Love, love, love. My fiancé and I are going to see The Force Awakens tonight, and in anticipation of that, we’ve been re-watching the movies. (Not the prequels. I wouldn’t do that to myself again.)

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a few gaps in Star Wars that didn’t matter so much to me when I was 13. Lingering questions. Unclear motivations. Illogical actions. And after months of digging into my own book to find these types of things and fix them, they bug me more than they used to.

Maybe some of these would have been answered if I’d gone back and watched the prequels again–though I did read the Wookiepedia entries on them–but to me, by and large, the prequels created more questions than they answered. It was like Lucas made the prequels without re-watching his original trilogy.

Maybe some of these are answerable. I’d love to hear thoughts. But here are my burning Star Wars questions.


  1. Why didn’t Obi-Wan or Yoda remember R2-D2 or C-3PO when they encounter the droids again in A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back? Maybe there’s an easy answer to this one, like the fact that Obi-Wan and Yoda spend most of the original trilogy flat-out lying to Luke, but…
  2. Why doesn’t R2-D2 remember Obi-Wan, Yoda, or Darth Vader? C-3PO’s memory was erased at the end of Revenge of the Sith, so he gets a pass. But R2? Not so much. You think he would have mentioned to Luke while they were flying into the Death Star together, “Hey, you know that guy in the goofy mask behind you? The one that killed Obi-Wan? He’s your dad, BTW.” Guess R2’s supposed “friendship” doesn’t mean that much.
  3. If ObiWan and Yoda are trying to hide Luke and Leia from Vader, why do they hide Luke on Anakin’s home planet, with Anakin’s stepbrother, sharing Anakin’s last name? Honestly, this just seems like poor planning.
  4. If Luke and Leia are the only hope for defeating the Emperor and Darth Vader, why don’t Obi-Wan and Yoda begin training them sooner? So Obi-Wan just waits for the battle against the Empire to fall into his lap, and then takes a naïve, untrained farm boy to face off against Darth Vader—who, unbeknownst to Luke, is his father? That’s just poor planning. I mean, I know Uncle Owen would have been against it, but Obi-Wan couldn’t have managed to Jedi Mind Trick him?

    StarWars

    “Hey kids, did we ever tell you about that time your mom almost banged your uncle? That was hilarious!

  5. If Luke and Leia were always intended to be siblings, what was with all the flirting and kissing and making out in the first two movies? Because seriously, those would be some awkward Thanksgiving dinners…
  6. How the hell has Boba Fett developed such a cult following? Because from my perspective, all he did was capture Han Solo and get eaten by a sarlaac.
  7. Why are the Jedis so anti-sex? Because seriously, Anakin might not have turned to the Dark Side if they just let him get laid every once in a while.
  8. How the hell does Leia remember her mother? Leia implies in Return of the Jedi that she remembers her mother vaguely. But we all know that Padme died like, two seconds after Luke and Leia were born.
  9. Are we supposed to sympathize with Obi-Wan and Yoda? Because from where I’m sitting, they continually lie to and manipulate Luke to kill Vader. (See also: Dumbledore.) Earlier, Anakin turned to the Dark Side because Obi-Wan and Yoda were so damn controlling (and, again, because they wouldn’t let him get laid.)
  10. When the first Death Star was such a miserable failure, why did the Empire build another Death Star? Someone should have chimed in and said, “Maybe this whole Death Star initiative is a bad investment,” amiright?

    LeiaGoldBikini

    Or maybe it’s just the Star Wars creators who were sexist…

  11. Are the Jedis sexist? Because seriously, did everyone forget about Leia? By the time A New Hope begins, she’s already a monarch and an Imperial Senator, and she’s actively fighting the rebellion. Luke is a speeder pilot and would-be moisture farmer on a middle-of-nowheresville planet. Seems like she would be in a better position to be the Jedi savior. Yet Obi-Wan has been covertly monitoring Luke his whole life. Hmmm.
  12. How come Obi-Wan and Yoda both disappeared when they did, but Qui-Gon and Darth Vader did not? I mean, it could have been that whole “Dark Side” thing, but I thought Qui-Gon was one of the good guys?
  13. If the overarching story of the Star Wars prequels was Anakin’s descent into the Dark Side, why does The Phantom Menace focus on Anakin’s path toward the Dark Side, why does The Phantom Menace focus on a trade dispute that takes place 10 years before any of the events that lead Anakin to the Emperor’s side occur? It’s like that entire movie is one really long prologue.
  14. Why exactly does everyone hate the Empire so much? I mean, yeah, they’re kind of control freaks, but if I’m just a moisture farmer on Tantooine, it doesn’t affect me much. (Of course, I guess if blowing up Alderaan is an example of their governmental policies, then…yeah, they suck.)
  15. Why are Luke and Leia the only hope for defeating Vader and the Emperor? An entire rebellion has formed to defeat them, but it all comes down to one barely-trained Jedi–and his completely untrained sister as a backup plan? For that matter, where the hell have Obi-Wan and Yoda been for the past two decades? Like, instead of waiting around with their thumbs up their asses for Luke and Leia to grow up, why didn’t they take their immense Jedi powers and use them to aid the rebellion sooner? Just think of this, kiddos: if it hadn’t been for Obi-Wan and Yoda’s incompetence, none of this would have ever happened.

 

 

 

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